Because ignorance is bliss, we proudly present the first part of our guide to ignoring the recession.

9 Things to do to ignore the recession

• Refuse to listen to or use words like “recession”, “looming”, “disastrous”, “job losses”, “economic instability” or “difficult times.” None of these words need exist as far as you are concerned. In fact, if you do hear those words, react by placing your hands over your ears and making baby noises.

• If you feel worried about the recession, immediately distract yourself with some form of entertainment, whether it be a free game of squash or an expensive banquet. After all, it’s not like we’re in a recession.

• If you’re finding “it” really difficult to ignore, distract yourself with ludicrous Youtube videos; for example, Sarah Palin explaining that she reads all the newspapers… “y’know, all of them”, or maybe the one where she explains her foreign policy experience… both are equally ridiculous.

• Now is the time to make that revolutionary invention you’ve been planning, especially if you somehow find yourself at home, jobless and with a lot of time on your hands.

• Become an artist, and let your talents flourish in the now perfect conditions.

• Spend money on silly things, like large hats, obscure art and anything purple.

• Move country. Constantly. Especially to a country where you can’t speak the local language. This will result in  you not being able to understand what the news reporters are saying. Instant ignorance bliss!

• Of course, you could always turn to drink. It’s not really the healthiest option in the world, but sure isn’t it a social way to spend your evenings?

• Finally, embrace denial with open arms. State frankly and openly that you are ignoring the recession, and maybe even wear an ironic t-shirt.

After all

“Isn’t an economic crisis like a problem in your sex life? It’s best just not to talk about it. It’ll just go away, it’ll work itself out!”

- Colbert Report